31 and Thriving

I believe it has become obvious that reflecting on significant dates in life is a common theme on my birthdays. Although this post is a little late, as it has been three months since my birthday, I still wanted to write this because why the hell not?

On turning 31

While turning 31 is a milestone, it is the personal growth that I've achieved in the last few years that feels significant to me. I had come a long way from where I was in my 20s, both personally and professionally. I have a better sense of who I am and what I want now, and I am more confident in my abilities to achieve my goals. I have been actively working on healing from past traumas and becoming more self-aware of my unconscious behaviors over the past few months.

I have also been making an effort to strengthen my relationships with the people who matter most to me. My family, in particular. My relationship with my family has always been a stormy journey. Dealing with my parents was difficult for me as the eldest who knew them well. Over the years, I have learned to accept my parents for who they are instead of who I want them to be. In recent years, I have witnessed positive changes in them, and I'm grateful for that. It's just that, as a child, I never realized that my parents were also growing up, just like me. When I was younger, I wanted them to grow up faster because I myself had to grow up too quickly.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned this year is to enjoy the process of getting what I want rather than getting attached to the end result. I have always struggled to stay in the present moment as my mind is constantly focused on the future. However, I recently read a book that taught me that fixating on the future all the time is a major disservice to the present moment. So yes, while it is still a struggle, I am constantly practicing to enjoy and appreciate the small moments that make up the bigger picture. I've found that this shift in mindset has allowed me to feel more fulfilled and less anxious about the future. It has also helped me to be more patient and understanding with myself when things don't go as planned. Because truly, the results are not guaranteed. But what we can control, is showing up for ourselves every single day, putting in the effort, and staying committed.

On revisiting past decisions

During my trip to Australia earlier this year, I got the chance to meet my friend's baby for the first time which was a milestone moment for me as I became an aunt. It's a different feeling seeing a friend you've grown up with become a mother and witnessing changes in the dynamics of your friendship. 

The first time I held my friend's son, I experienced a peculiar feeling, a mix of emotions. Remember when I wrote this article some time ago and had the guts to submit it to a local newspaper for everyone to read?

At that time, someone told me that I might regret it. Instead of getting defensive, I accepted it with humility because things can change, circumstances can change, and feelings can change.

But as I held my friend's son, it felt as though the Universe was validating a decision I had made some time ago about not wanting to have children. Although I adore babies and believe they bring immense joy to our lives, I felt reaffirmed in my choice. I watched all three of my best friends and I could truly see their nurturing nature. And I looked at myself and realized that I really have different priorities and goals in life. Somehow, I feel more reassured that everyone's journey is indeed unique, and we should embrace our choices without feeling pressured to conform to societal norms.

In the past, I used to feel like there was something inherently wrong with me as a woman. That I lacked something. Was I broken for thinking that way? But now, I know that I am whole and complete just the way I am. I embrace my femininity and all that makes me unique, confident in the knowledge that I am enough.

Isn't it so fucking amazing to realize that we are enough, just the way we are and that we can make choices based on our desires and goals without worrying about societal pressures or expectations? 

It's liberating to know that we can create our own paths and live life on our own terms, without feeling like we have to fit into a certain mold or meet certain standards. It's a beautiful thing to be able to embrace our individuality and celebrate the unique qualities that make us who we are.

Growing old is indeed a gift. I am just thankful that I have the freedom to make choices that align with my true self and bring me happiness, regardless of what others may think or say. 

Life is too short to live by someone else's standards.

tags:Personal

Johanna Marie Frejoles

A travel writer based in the Philippines with countless tales to share but often struggles to find the right words to do them justice.